Monkey Wrench

Our tentative plan flew out the window after we got the insurance coverage estimate. So now, we have a new plan which won’t bankrupt us.

We originally planned on doing a fresh cycle, but rather than transferring a fresh embryo, we would transfer the one frozen one we have left. That would be $6,700. And anything that made it to day 5 from the fresh cycle would be sent off for PGS testing. That would have cost us another $6,300 to biopsy, test and freeze. That doesn’t include medication. Grand total= $13k.

Instead, we will do a fresh cycle and transfer a fresh embryo. That’s $3,500. Leave the frozen one frozen and if we have anything left from the fresh cycle, we will bank those to be tested if necessary. Freezing is $1,800.  Testing if needed is $4,500. Grand total= $9,800.

Either way we would be taking a chance on transferring an untested embryo. The big question was do we test now or wait and see. I can make the argument for either case….and I have.

Even if we decide to test the fresh embryos that we would freeze later on, that would still put us ahead of the game.

I know that we are taking a risk by not doing PGS right now. Everything about getting pregnant is a gamble. Even with PGS there is not a 100% pregnancy and live birth rate or your money back guarantee. Wouldn’t it be great if that existed!

I think this is the best decision for us for right now. All I can say is how thankful I am to have my new nurse! She is so understanding and she genuinely cares. After figuring it all out, I talked to her about the new tentative plan. She said it made sense to her and she understands what we are trying to do (maximize insurance, not go broke, and have another child) and is going to take care of everything on her end so we don’t have to worry about anything. Whew! I think I will be able to sleep a little better tonight!

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Pursuit of Happiness

I’m on the pursuit of happiness and I know, everything that shine ain’t always gonna be gold. Hey, I’ll be fine once I get it, I’ll be good.

There are many interpretations of the song, but for me it pumped me up for our WTF miscarriage meeting with Dr. L yesterday.

We talked for an hour about everything. At the end of the day, we decided it makes the most sense to do a fresh cycle again.Whether or not we transfer is yet to be decided. We can transfer the frozen embryo or a fresh one. But we are leaning towards doing PGS on any fresh embryos that we can.

At one point Dr. L said he was impressed with how I thought everything out and he could tell I put a lot of time and thought into every scenario. Yes, sir I over analyze. A lot. He said he sees women come in and make emotional decisions, but I was making logical points without having my emotions get in the way. That’s a first for me, but I will take the compliment.

I asked him given our past and our ages/issues, what are our real chances of having a “normal” embryo after PGS. He said 50/50. That means IF we get 4 good embryos to make it to day 5 (which given our past seems accurate), then only 2 would be normal. Now those odds aren’t what I would like, but we need to consider how many kids we want. I don’t want 5 kids, so it’s ok if we only get 2, right? That means we have a decent chance to have 2 or maybe 3 kids. I would hate to have 4 or 5 normal embryos and two kids. We would be faced with deciding what to do with them. They are part of me and M and it would hurt to destroy them. They are our babies. Some people may not agree or understand that, and that’s ok. But going through this whole process has changed my outlook on life.

What Should Have Been

I would have been 8 weeks yesterday. My plan was to put H in a “big sister” shirt and see how long it took my parents to notice. Then we would all be excited and talk about Olo. 

Instead I’m still lightly spotting, eating cookies and drinking way too much caffeine. 

It sucks. 

I had labwork last week to check my folate and vitamin d level (among other things). They were both in the normal range. So I  not sure I can “blame” that for losing Olo. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse. If they were low at least it could have been a reason and something to fix.

I’m petrified of doing IVF with PGS. We have an appointment next Friday to talk about what our options are. I hope to find some sense of something besides anxiety going into this. The idea of IVF isn’t what scares me. It’s if we have abnormal embryos.  I don’t know what we will do.