Trying to look forward 

Yesterday I felt fine.  Sad, but physically ok. No cramps and light bleeding/heavy spotting. I decided to clean the house. The last week I’ve been taking it easy to so it felt good to be up and doing something. Even symbolic I suppose. Sort of like wiping the slate clean.

Today, I have cramps and the bleeding has picked up. I suppose my body got the memo and is working to eliminate any thing remaining of this pregnancy. 

Besides being angry and disappointed, I’m nervous to try again. But I also don’t want to give up. 

I’m not sure where we go from here though. 

We have one frozen embryo left. It hasn’t been tested though so I’m not sure if I want to use it. Or maybe we do a fresh cycle first. Then the question is do we test those (provided we have anything that makes it to day 5/6) and wait to do another FET. 

There are other factors that are weighing on my mind- 

Prior to the transfer and the day after this loss, my platelets have been slightly high. Is this a red flag? Research says not really but I need confirmation I guess. 
Given that I have hashimtos, should my RE or endo be suggested something that I’m not currently doing besides taking Synthroid. 

We have some insurance coverage – only 2 more cycles will be partially covered (PGS won’t be). I’d like to maximize this as much as possible since I may meet my OOP deductible by the end of the year. 

We did some testing after the first failed cycle (ANA, MTHFR, etc) the only thing that it showered was Hetro MTHFR. Does this need to be repeated? Can things blood clotting issues change ? I’m already taking baby aspirin due to MTHFR -is that enough?

I think if I have a plan I will feel better. I just don’t want to keep at this with the same result and want to make sure we are doing everything we can to increase our odds. 

I realize this seems like I’m probably not hurt by the loss since I’m so focused on moving forward. The thing is if I really stop to think about it I don’t think I can move forward. It so hard to think that M and I have lost two babies. Especially when I look at H, because I know just how amazing she is and how full she has made our lives and hearts. I hope Brynn and Olo know just how much they were wanted and are loved. 


Mock Transfer & Saline Sonogram

I had my mock and saline sonogram as part of the FET prep the other day. All went well.

I am a bit off my game this time around, but I think it’s because I have H to keep my mind preoccupied. I thought they would just be doing a mock, but they also did a saline sonogram as well.

My lining looked perfect (triple stripped, woohoo) and I had a 19mm follicle on my left side, so the tech said I should ovulate by Thursday. Going based solely on my fertility calendar, I expected to ovulate Friday/Saturday, so I was a little surprised to hear she thinks I will ovulate earlier. But hey, that means a few days closer to starting the FET cycle. The Dr. and tech joked that I am in great shape to get pregnant and if it happens naturally they still want credit. I said I would have no problem giving them credit. It would be a damn miracle!

My clinic is also in the midst of conducting a FET sustainability study which I may be eligible to participate in. The study looks at the effectiveness of PIO vs Endometrin. There are 3 groups: all PIO, all Endometrin, and Endometrin & PIO. My nurse just emailed me to let me know she is double checking to see if I can participate since my protocol will require baby aspirin and folgard for MTHFR. I let her know that I am not currently taking that, but she said I would start during the FET cycle. I guess that makes sense since I did it for the fresh cycle last time.

I also am waiting to hear back from my Endo about my TSH. I suspect she will increase that to 50mcg since it’s still higher than we all would like.


It looks like it could be a license plate that is supposed to say “mother eff-er”, right?

It is actually short for methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. So in a nutshell, the MTHFR gene produces an enzyme responsible for a multi-step process that converts the amino acid homocysteine to another amino acid, methionine. The body uses methionine to make proteins and other important compounds.

Turns out that I am heterozygous C677T, which is fairly common. I’ve read about 35% of caucasians are carriers.

The nurse that gave me the results said it’s not that big of a deal and I only need to supplement with additional folic acid. WIth this mutation, there is an increased chance of neural tube defect when pregnant.

I still need to read up on it some. Anyone else tested or have a MTHFR mutation?