Pre-Beta Day

Unfortunately, my nurse is making me wait until tomorrow for my beta since I’ve been out of town. 

That’s a long time! I’m really hoping for strong betas and a strong heartbeat in a few weeks. 

I’m getting decent lines so I think (hope and pray) they are doubling and this baby (aka Apollo) is doing his/her thing. 

Top was yesterday FMU at 15dpo and bottom was today FMU. 

So back to Apollo- I wanted something God like, because let’s face it, this baby is a freaking miracle! Apollo is the God of light and sun, which can represent the light after a dark period for us. And lastly, it even incorporates a little bit of Olo (our little one), who we lost in August.

My only “symptom” is that I have been weepy as hell! No real cramps (thanks god). 

Until tomorrow!!



Today is 10dpiui. 

The two week wait is an actual TWW in an IUI as opposed to a 9 day wait for IVF.

I had a killer headache on Monday and cramps on Tuesday. I’ve been bloated, cranky and haven’t slept well. Gotta love the progesterone suppositories.

Yes, I have tested. I took a test on Monday knowing it would be way too early for a real positive but more to see how much trigger was left. It was a hint of a shadow so I think the next few days will be telling. 

I’m supposed to go in for my beta on Monday but I will be out of town until Wednesday so it’s going to have to wait. I am actually more interested to see what my TSH is. I’ve sorta avoided the Endo because she annoys me but I suppose I need to make an appointment for when I get back.

In other news, I’m going to be a year older next week. The question remains will I celebrate with a nice red wine or a mock tail? 

Labor Day is now IUI day 

After some back and forth, multiple phone calls to insurance and the financial team, and one more scan, we decided to cancel the cycle and convert it into an IUI.

I’m currently waiting to be called back so I don’t know how it will go, but I’m hoping the 3-4 months of supplements have helped both the egg(s) and sperm. If we did only timed intercourse, we would have even less of a chance and wasted meds on nothing. At least this way, we increase the odds slightly. 

We will get 90% of our IVF deposit back and either apply it to another cycle or get a refund and move on. My nurse asked what meds I have left and she will try to see what else she can give me to help. She also mentioned that my RE probably won’t want to do another EPP cycle. But maybe we try a mini IVF or micro flare. 
There is a RE at GW Univeristy that specializes in high FSH and poor responders (me!) so I have been calling to the last few days to get on his calendar. I would love a third opinion. If his recommendation is the same thing my current RE thinks, we will probably stay put. 

At least I have a plan B so I can focus on that. 

Depressing Scan

Today was my third monitoring appointment. After 7 days of stims I have a whopping 3 (14-18mm) measuring follicles, that’s it. My left ovary is complete asleep.

At this point we may cancel or convert it into an IUI. I usually get 10 eggs, so my RE doesn’t think we should continue to move forward with IVF.

We have some insurance coverage, so this cycle has already been paid for. I am not sure how much we would get back (assuming it doesn’t count as a cycle since we didn’t get to the retrieval)

Whatever we got back could be applied to an IUI (again not sure of that cost) and whatever was left over could be applied to another IVF cycle (probably not much at that point).

Is it possible that the 3 follicles I have are actually a better quality compared to the 10 ok ones I usually get?  If we did keep going with this cycle, I would need a 100% fertilization rate and 100% to make it to day 3. We typically see 90% so even if two made it, would it be worth it?

What would you do- continue the cycle as an IVF, convert it into an IUI or do nothing?

The one and only IUI?

So today was the big day.

M dropped off his sample and then we waited until it was my turn. The clinic needed about a hour to wash/prep the sperm. Once my name was called, M and I went back into one of the monitoring rooms. I was hoping they would do another u/s to check out my lining, but no luck.

Dr. L. came in and gave us the SA results. After the washing, we were looking at 2.7million sperm. Dr. L felt it was high enough to proceed, but I know that ideally anything below 5 million and your odds decrease. So I asked him what sort of odds we were looking at, he said about 5%. I can’t tell you what M was thinking or feeling, but at that moment I decided if this doesn’t work, I am ready to do IVF.

If I am going to have to take four different types of fertility drugs, be poked and prodded by random people, and go to the doctor’s office weekly, damn it I want better odds.

I know that all sounds so negative, and it only takes 1 sperm. But I can’t sit here and pretend we have good odds. Hell, people who do IVF and have a 40% chance don’t always succeed. Why should I be happy with the 5% chance? Yes, it’s much higher than the 1% chance we’d have naturally, but when you want a family as much as I do, 5% isn’t high enough.

I think because I have realistic expectations, perhaps this wait won’t be so bad. I am going to email Dr. L. next week and ask him if we should set up an appointment to go over the next steps to start IVF.

I am being proactive not negative. As long as I have a plan and way to increase our odds I won’t feel as bad.