Where Art Thou, AF?

Cycle day 32. BFN and no AF.

I don’t even know when I ovulated since I stopped testing at CD14 since I was traveling without M, so it didn’t really make a difference since there would be no attempts for the next 7 days. It’s been 6 months since I’ve ovulated on my own and have a had a “real” period. I am not counting bleeding after a failed IVF since it’s sort of forced when I stop the progesterone.

As soon as she rears her ugly head, I will call my nurse and schedule my CD3 blood work for insurance purposes and another biopsy. My CD3 labs have always been fine in the past and within normal range, but now that I need them to be normal so insurance hopefully approves our next IVF cycle, I am nervous that something will be wonky.

During my IVF break, I have been enjoying a nice glass of red wine every once in a while, running longer distances*, eating delicious tuna sandwiches, and treating myself to coffee. I have also continued with the pre-natals, vitamin D and added Ubiquinol into the mix.

*I know plenty of women exercise during their pregnancy, and I attempted to with the girls. The first trimester I barely had enough energy to make it 7pm without crashing and the MS sucked. After we lost Brynn, I took no chances and didn’t want to risk anything, so I took the next 17 weeks super easy.







The Reality of the Situation

I forgot how hard BFNs are and how easy it is to become bitter. If you haven’t guess, I tested and it was in fact a BFN.  I know the odds at this point of getting a BFP are pretty slim, but I also know my body. I am not pregnant.

You know how clinics say you have about a 40-50% chance of getting pregnant, and then of course that drops to something like 35% chance of a live birth. I feel like our odds are even shittier.

In the last two years, we have transferred 8 embryos and have had one live birth- that’s a whopping 13% success rate.

It took us transferring 5 embryos to get our DD. That’s a 20% chance. I know how incredibly lucky we are to have one child. Believe me that isn’t lost on me.

Since working on a second child we are 0% for transferring 3 embryos.
I guess when you get told things look good and you get the standard 40% chance of a cycle working and it doesn’t, it is a little deflating.

I’ve emailed my nurse and asked if she thinks we can fit a FET in before the end of the year. I doubt we will have time. We can start, but if any appointment/procedure happens after Dec 31, we will pay 100% OOP.

We will need to switch insurance providers since our current one doesn’t cover anything IF related.  We have two options but both have pros and cons, so we need to do some serious discussing over the next few weeks to figure out where we go from here.

Wishing Well

This past week has been pretty emotional.

First of all, I want to give a shout out to my sister. She is insanely generous and supportive. There is nothing that M and I can say or do to ever thank her and my BIL enough.

We also found out that IVF #2 has been approved and since I met my OOP max we don’t have to put down another $4k deposit. And if my calculations are correct and based off of all the submitted claims from IVF #1, IVF#2 will cost us around $2,000 (including meds)!

All awesome things. Then I looked at Facebook on Friday to see two people announced their pregnancy and another person posted pics of her newborn. Blah. This set me back a little.  I still am sad that we are approaching the year mark with a failed IUI and IVF and no luck.

M and I needed some alone time to refocus on us, and not anything baby related. So we decided to take a day trip to see some caverns. It was exactly what we needed.  The caverns were beautiful and we had a really good time just hanging out with each other. Towards the end of the tour, we saw a formation called the “Wishing Well”.

wishing well


As we walked by, people were tossing coins and making their wishes. M pointed out that there were even dollars in there, so I joked that those people had big wishes. I was bummed since I didn’t have any money on me, but luckily M did. So M went first and he tossed a quarter in “for Seamus” and I tossed one in for a “baby gator” (M went to University of Florida). And just for good measure, M threw a dollar in.

I hope that our wishes come true this time around.