Beta Day

I called my nurse yesterday to tell her I was getting very negative pregnancy tests. She sounds pretty upset/disappointed. I asked if I could possible come in Friday for a beta so I didn’t have to go through the weekend doing shots uncessarily. She surprised me and said to just come in now. Unfortunately, I missed the courier so I had to wait until today for the results.

Officially not pregnant. 

Oh and my TSH was 0.37, so lower than it should be. I wonder if it can be too low to get pregnant. I haven’t had any heart palipations so I honestly didn’t know it was that low. I have an appointment with my Endo on Monday so I am sure we will back down to 75 mcg.

I also have our WTF appointment with Dr. L on Monday. I have a list of things I want to discuss with him about where we go from here.

Everything from doing another biopsy, lap, RPL panel, ERA (endometrial receptivity array), additional supplements (including HGH, ubiquinol, and DHEA), PGD, and last but not least donor embryos. I’ve also reached out to a friend who started the adoption process to get more information on that. 

I don’t feel like our journey has ended. It has taken unexpected twists and turns and has taken longer this time around, but I’m not ready to give up yet. We have options. It’s time to begin exploring them with more of an open mind and open heart. 

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Grateful. Thankful. Blessed.

When I was younger, Thanksgiving was really just a big turkey dinner with family. Sure, we went around the table and said what we were grateful for but I don’t think I really appreciated what I had. 

Now, I get it. It’s easy to get to caught up in the day to day of your life. But today, I’m taking time to really reflect and appreciate how blessed I am.

I’m thankful to be alive. I wake up every morning and get to cuddle in bed with M and H. It’s my favorite part of the day.

I’m grateful to have M by my side. As much of a pain in the ass he can be, I also know how much he loves me and would do whatever he can to make things easier and better for me. 

I’m so incredibly blessed to have H. She is my life. My hearts explodes when she smiles and laughs. She is the best thing that has happened to me. Hands down.

I’m also blessed to have been pregnant with Brynn and Olo.  They will forever be part of me and our family.

I’m thankful for my family. They are crazy and have their own lives/problems but they have been by my side every step of the way- praying, cheering and crying with me. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I love that my sister is one of my closest friends and my brother is one of my biggest supporters. 

I’m so appreciative of my friends. Just like family, they are there for all of the ups and downs. Even though they haven’t gone through IVF, they are engaged and provide such a strong support system. 

I’m grateful for my job. I know this may sound silly, but I’m fortunate to work for my sister and work from home. I work for a firm that truly appreciates and understands work/life balance. This means I get to see H for more than 3 hours a day. 

I’m blessed to have medical coverage and thankful for medical advances. Without it, we would have H, Brynn or Olo. We wouldn’t have a good chance at another child. I’m thankful for Dr. L.

My life is far from perfect or even how I imagined it would be, but I am blessed and thankful for everything I have!

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Great Reveal

Today is a big day!

We find out the babies’ sexes! I have no real gut feeling but M thinks boy/girl.

To be honest, I might be more excited to see the babies than to find out the sexes. Not that I don’t care, but it’s been 3 1/2 weeks since I saw them and I am just anxious to make sure they still growing and are healthy. But at the same time, I tear up thinking that we will have sons or daughters. It makes it more real.

Rather than saying Baby A or Baby B, we will have names, or at least we can say “he” or “she”.

As far as the pregnancy goes, sInce I’ve entered the second trimester, I am not nearly as sick, which is awesome but it also means I don’t feel “as pregnant”. At least with the puking, I knew the babies were doing their thing. Now I just am anxious! I know everything will probably be ok, but I like reassurance!

So the countdown is on!

And to end on a funny note, I was texting with my sister and she told me my oldest niece (3 years old) guessed what we were having.

Three girls! Hahaha!

 

 

Not One

So today was the big day. It was Ultrasound Day.

I had terrible dreams and woke up several times last night. Of course DC traffic sucked and we were running late. Only adding to my anxiety.

Once we got there, we were called back within 5 minutes. Same drill as all of the other ultrasounds. Undress from the waist down and hop on the table and wait. Dr. L and a tech came in and asked how I was feeling.

I just said I will let you know in a few minutes. I was nervous. What if there was a blighted ovum (my newest fear) or what if we couldn’t see a heartbeat.

I had no idea what I was really looking at. All of the other times, we focused on my ovaries and how many follicles I had. This was new. Then the tech rolled over what looked like a sac.

But she kept going.  And then it looked like another one. Dr. L said they just wanted to get a big picture of what was going on….torture! He finally said “It looks like we have twins!” I started tearing up and my heart was racing. Dr. L said he wanted to just make sure not all three stuck. I honestly think he was a little nervous! If you remember, during the transfer he gave us only a 40% chance of success and a super low chance of triplets.

The tech started to zoom in so we could get a closer look. Right now the babies are measuring right on track and things look good. We were even able to see the little flicker of the heartbeats. So incredible.

Once the tech was done and left so I could get dressed (and process it all!), I looked at M and asked how he was feeling. His response: “Shit just got real”.

I am excited and scared to death! I want to thank everyone for their support and prayers.

As Dr. L said, we just got to the edge of the woods but this is a great first step.

Here are the beans:

baby ababy b

From a Future Uncle

I usually don’t post twice in one day but I wanted to share this.

My baby brother, Dan, amazes me.  For years he struggled with addiction. I was constantly worried about his safety as well as physical and mental health.  But with the right people by his side and by his own determination he managed to turn his life around.  Today, he has his hands full between a full time job, two kids under the age of 2, and is in the midst of buying a house. I’ve never seen the kid happier.

Even though there is a 5 year age difference, we’ve always have been close and had a special bond. Case in point…

Example #1- During a family trip to Vegas (crazy, I know) Dan and I were determined to stay up all night gambling and drinking. One by one everyone else went to bed. Around 6am, one of us came up with the brilliant idea to go to our parent’s room and wake them up to get breakfast. See, my dad is notorious for waking up at the butt crack of dawn and insisting that we get breakfast. So this was payback! Surprisingly, even after looking at us and smelling the booze, my dad got dressed and the three of us went off in search of breakfast. About 10 minutes into the meal, I looked at Dan and told him I couldn’t do it, I needed to sleep. He looked at me and said “Pull yourself together! You can sleep later”.

Example #2- During one Thanksgiving break, Dan and I decided to stay up late and play some drinking games. ( You guys see a trend here?) For some stupid reason, I was determined to show Dan that I could go one for one with him. Many, many, many beers later, we passed out. The next morning I needed to catch my train home, so my Dad drove me to the train station.  I needed to keep my head out the window (like a dog) to keep from puking. We finally get to the train station and I found the closest  trash can and vomited. My dad just said “You know you really shouldn’t try to keep up with your brother”.

Example #3-  Dan has been checking in on me to see how things are going with round 2 of IVF.  Even though he is a guy with no IF background, somehow he manages make me feel better about it all. This is from earlier today: photo

So, Dan if you are reading this- thank you for being you! My future babies are going to have a kick ass uncle.