On the way home from work last night, my brother called to ask how I was doing. I managed to say “shitty” before I lost it. I explained that I tested and it was negative and everyone else has a positive so I must not be pregnant. He, who knows nothing about IVF or IF, said “You probably tested too early, what did the doctor say?” I wanted to hug him. He just let me cry and vent and somehow managed to give me a little bit of hope. He joked and said maybe you pregnant if you are this emotional over something that could be nothing.
Going through IVF is a funny thing. Never in a million years did I think I would be talking about pregnancy test with my baby brother. But that simple call and “how are you doing” meant more to me than he will ever realize. I didn’t feel so alone at the moment.
Speaking of crying for no reason, I got all choked up this morning. No, I didn’t test! I managed to stay strong
. Believe me, I wanted to….I just didn’t want to see a BFN.
I was teary was over a dream. M asked if I slept well and I was like “eh”. He said I was making noises like I had a bad dream. That sparked my memory. I did. It was about demons demanding that my cat be thrown in a fire in order to lift a curse off the house. Seriously, how messed up is it that I even dreamed that. So when I was telling M, I started to cry. What is wrong with me?? Damn you progesterone! By the way, I wouldn’t let them throw my cat in the fire.
Other than being a weepy mess, I have no real symptoms. A cramp here or there, but nothing like the symptoms I had with the IUI. I am not sure if that is a good or bad sign. In fact I feel good. Better than I have in a while. Hell, I even packed to go to the gym after work!
I would like a sign though. Maybe I could bump into some little old lady that has a sixth sense that says “Congrats on your pregnancy!” And I would say “I don’t think I am pregnant” and she would smile and say “Are you sure??”.
Along those lines, I’ve been asking some people what their “gut feeling” on this is- did it work or not? M is the only person that says yes it worked. I don’t have a feeling one way or the other either. Is that bad??