You guys I am nearing the end of my IVF rope at this point.
So to recap, roughly a week ago I went for my beta after the methotrexate shot. I was told it was 1141 and to repeat the beta on Saturday, which I did. That beta came back at 44. Huge drop right? Well it turns out that I have NO idea where they got 1141 because I got a copy of the actual lab work and the beta was 81. WTF #1.
After Saturday’s beta, my nurse told me to come in this week so we can ensure it was dropping. I did. Turns out today’s beta is 48.9. My RE isn’t concerned since the betas were done in different labs and they probably have different standards/measurements. We will just repeat the beta again next week. WTF#2.
In reviewing my medical records I noticed that I was missing the pathology report from my March biopsy. I asked to have this done to see if the endometritis was gone after one round of the doxycycline. Turns out the clinic can’t find the lab results. It may have not been sent off. WTF #3.
My RE actually called to tell me about WTF #2 and WTF #3. So I told him I am disappointed they don’t have the results. He said he was too and then gave me bs about how he did the biopsy/scratch for therapeutic purposes and the baby aspirin and prednisone have anti inflammatory elements, so more or less he said even if it came back positive, he doesn’t think it caused the miscarriage. Can we call that WTF#4? Because that isn’t the point.
I brought up some of things I have been thinking about (different protocol, supplements, the fact that I can’t stay pregnant) and he basically said he doesn’t think the protocol is the problem at all. He thinks the fact that time has passed (aka I am older) and my ovarian reserve has changed is weighing heavy on the outcome. Our best bet would be PGD. UGH. WTF#5- thanks for hearing me out.
T- minus 3 days until I can wallow in a glass of wine. I am beyond frustrated and annoyed at this point.
After I have my lab work today, I met with my nurse. I was 100% honest with her and told her everything I was thinking. She really encouraged me to talk to my RE and let him know what I was thinking and how I felt. She said that sometime “people” don’t know when they are wrong or have made a mistake unless someone tells them. She also said after I talked to my RE, she would give me her honest opinion on what she would do if she were me. Needless to say, I am going to call her tomorrow and talk to her. I will keep my follow up with the RE just so M can hear it for himself. Just in case I am missing something, but right now it doesn’t sound like my RE is open to exploring any other possible factor, just that we have shit embryos and PGD will be the solution.
My plate is full which is why I have been MIA.
On Thursday, I went back for blood work and an u/s. My lining was still really thin (4mm) and my beta came back at 329. I started spotting so that was the only thing working in my favor. I was told to make an appointment for Saturday to get another u/s and more blood work.
Well, I went in and my lining is even thinner (3mm) and I am having period like bleeding.
The u/s showed a small mass on my right ovary. The RE wasn’t completely convinced it was a sac and said the blood work would be more telling. Since I am bleeding, she said if my beta went down by 15% she would be safe in not giving the methotrexate shot.
I just got a call that my beta went up to 381. F*ck. So I have to go back to get this stupid shot now. What is weird is that my right side feels fine and I actually feel more sore/sensitive on my left side. I guess it doesn’t matter since this shot will eliminate anything where ever it is.
I also found out that my platelets were slightly elevated again. This is now the third CBC that has shown slightly elevate platelets.
Since I have to stop all supplements and prenatals with the methotrexate shot, I will go back to my PCP and tell them I want a full panel with a smear done to see what is causing the higher platelets. It could be as simple as anemia but maybe it is related to inflammation caused by some AI issues.
My beta came back at 324. That’s a DT of 78 hours. Lower than what they want but better than the 105 DT last time.
The ultrasound didn’t show anything (why would it) and my RE wants me to stop all my meds and come back in on Wed for more blood work (with the hopes that it will start to plateau or decrease). He also wants to run a methotrexate panel in case they want to give me to shot if the hcg doesn’t fall on its own, I’m guessing by Wednesday.
I suppose I’m grasping at straws by hoping that the increase in DT is a good thing. Maybe the extra steroid is helping?
I realize the odds aren’t in my favor. M and I talked and feel that if this pregnancy isn’t meant to be, I don’t see the harm in letting it playing out naturally. I really want to avoid the methotrexate shot at all costs. Of course if the pregnancy is ectopic, then I will take the shot.
During the ultrasound my RE commented that he noticed I requested my medical records. And after the ultrasound my nurse commented on how “stoic” I was being. I think they are aware that I am done with them. I told the nurse after two cycles that didn’t end up with even a hint of a positive and another two then ended in a miscarriage, there comes a time when we say enough is enough. I am not sure if she read between the lines, but I think she did.
I asked her if Dr L was thinking that even though the beta rose that this pregnancy isn’t viable. She said yes, my levels aren’t anywhere what they should be. But the little voice in my head said, they also weren’t where they should have been when it was only 47 and yet my nurse said to be cautiously optimistic. Yet today she’s preparing me for a shot that is used to terminate pregnancies and used in chemo.
I’m really torn about continuing my meds for another day. Maybe I will compromise and take half of what I’m supposed to. If the number goes up on Wednesday, I’m not sure what I will do. I guess continue to wait it out and be monitored to ensure this isn’t ectopic.
When we lost Brynn, the MFM said it was a 1% chance that something like this would happen. I feel like I’m not being realistic by saying this but I would love to be the 1% of people that has a slow and low beta and ends up with a healthy baby in 9 months .