Waiting It Out

My beta came back at 324. That’s a DT of 78 hours. Lower than what they want but better than the 105 DT last time. 

The ultrasound didn’t show anything (why would it) and my RE wants me to stop all my meds and come back in on Wed for more blood work (with the hopes that it will start to plateau or decrease). He also wants to run a methotrexate panel in case they want to give me to shot if the hcg doesn’t fall on its own, I’m guessing by Wednesday. 

I suppose I’m grasping at straws by hoping that the increase in DT is a good thing. Maybe the extra steroid is helping? 

I realize the odds aren’t in my favor. M and I talked and feel that if this pregnancy isn’t meant to be, I don’t see the harm in letting it playing out naturally. I really want to avoid the methotrexate shot at all costs. Of course if the pregnancy is ectopic, then I will take the shot. 

During the ultrasound my RE commented that he noticed I requested my medical records. And after the ultrasound my nurse commented on how “stoic” I was being. I think they are aware that I am done with them. I told the nurse after two cycles that didn’t end up with even a hint of a positive and another two then ended in a miscarriage, there comes a time when we say enough is enough. I am not sure if she read between the lines, but I think she did. 

I asked her if Dr L was thinking that even though the beta rose that this pregnancy isn’t viable. She said yes, my levels aren’t anywhere what they should be. But the little voice in my head said, they also weren’t where they should have been when it was only 47 and yet my nurse said     to be cautiously optimistic. Yet today she’s preparing me for a shot that is used to terminate pregnancies and used in chemo. 

I’m really torn about continuing my meds for another day. Maybe I will compromise and take half of what I’m supposed to. If the number goes up on Wednesday, I’m not sure what I will do. I guess continue to wait it out and be monitored to ensure this isn’t ectopic. 

When we lost Brynn, the MFM said it was a 1% chance that something like this would happen. I feel like I’m not being realistic by saying this but I would love to be the 1% of people that has a slow and low beta and ends up with a healthy baby in 9 months .


Not So Happy Friday

Beta came back at 171. That is a DT of 103.5 hours. Bad.

I am supposed to continue my meds and go back on Monday for more blood work and an u/s. I really am not sure why they want to do an u/s since they won’t be able to see anything.

I really was hopeful after getting a 2-3 weeks on the CB Estimator this morning.

I am beyond frustrated and tired. Why is it so effing hard to get and STAY pregnant.

Over the course of trying to have a family, we have done a total of 6 IVF/FET cycles. I’ve gotten pregnant 3 times (once with twins) and lost 3 babies. We have transferred a total of 11 embryos and I have had one live birth. Those are some pretty shitty odds.

I am firing our RE. He is willing to continue playing a numbers game and hope something sticks just because I was able to have one child. We had a consult with another RE yesterday and I liked her because she is willing to do additional immune testing and recheck clotting issues. She also said she wouldn’t do the lupron stop protocol for someone with my numbers (3.6 AMH and 10-17 eggs retrieved).

I just want someone to say, hey this this is the problem and this is how to fix it and you WILL get pregnant and STAY pregnant and deliver a healthy child.


Beta is in.


Higher than what I thought. But still extremely low, coupled with the fact that I am still bleeding is not a good sign.

My nurse was sympathetic and suggested we set up a follow up appointment. I told her I already did and said it’s becoming apparent I can’t stay pregnant. She said Dr. L would probably just suggest PGD testing. The problem is still that we don’t have enough embryos to test!

Oh, and my TSH was 3.9. Ugh. I took another pill to bring it help down, but obviously I need to monitor this more closing. I don’t really love my endo. I feel like she doesn’t seem to think Hashi’s is a big deal. Her office staff annoys me and I really avoid them if I can. I like the fact that she wanted to test my A1C (which was fine) and vitamin D levels (lowish but she didn’t suggest I up my supplementation). I just an not sure she’s up to date on thyroid and infertility. Maybe it’s not the issue. Who knows?

All I know at this point in the stage is that something needs to change.

I have an appointment with a new RE next Thurs. She was referred by a few people who have thyroid issues and one of few that does immune testing.


Pregnant…for a day

Well the bleeding is continuing and I tested before my beta. 

This morning was pretty clear. I don’t expect a beta of more than 8, if it’s even that high. 

Some thoughts on this. On one of the boards I’m on, a poster asked if I successfully had a child already? The reason she was asking was because she felt that her pregnancy had changed her immune system/body’s chemistry preventing her from becoming pregnant from her FETs. 

I’m not saying it’s true, but looking agh my past, I have done 6 cycles and gotten pregnant 3 times. That’s great right? I have a 50% success rate in getting a positive pregnancy test. But here’s where it gets shitty. I have one child. I’m not saying I wanted 6, but I’m saying my odds of getting and STAYING pregnant suck. 

I know doctors don’t really classify a chemical as a pregnancy but I wonder if this now warrants immune testing since it is my third loss.

Beta to come later this afternoon. 

Squinters galore. 

I tested on 7dp5dt and didn’t see a thing so I tossed it and drank a huge ass Diet Coke with my lunch.

I had such a crappy day that I wanted to snuggle with H so she slept in our bed. That means I also skipped all of my nighttime meds. 

For whatever reason I tested again on 8dp5dt and got a super squinter. Even M saw it. Then I freaked out. I immediately took all of my medication and prayed. Then I started spotting. Last night I took another test and sure enough something was there. 

The spotting turned to cramps and medium bleeding. 

Today is 9dp5dt and the lines are so incredibly light, but they are there!  Today I’m pregnant. 

I’m still bleeding a little and don’t really have cramps so I’m not sure what to think. I am going in for my beta tomorrow and fully expect it to be low. That’s fine as long as it doubles. My fear is that I’m facing a chemical. 

I can only pray that this baby is healthy and sticks.