Still Here…Still Struggling

There were two pregnancy announcements within the last few weeks. Hooray for fertile lucky people.

I, on the other hand, have started a new cycle. Today is CD7 and I just bought some OPKs. I’ve started my new regime of pre-natals, vit D, DHEA, and melatonin and also started trying to get my fat a** to the gym three days a week.

M is also taking his supplements and working out.

I am not really sure if any of it makes a difference to be honest.

We should probably talk about when we want to do our last cycle. We need a lot of the blood work repeated again, and I am supposed to be getting a HSG before I start again. I should get my period again in early Aug so I guess that is when we will start prepping and maybe complete the cycle by Sept/Oct. It sounds so far away but it’s July already. How did that happen? I am lacking motivation to start again. I am not sure if it’s fear or I am just running out of energy pretending to be hopeful.





On A Break

My RE and I are on a break. 

After 6 months of trying to make it work, I’ve decided I need some time off. I broke the news to him gently and he understood. 

In the meantime I am going to do all the things I would’ve have been able to do if I actually got pregnant. 

1. Drink wine. Red wine is good for you, right? 

2. Get a much needed massage. Granted you can do that when pregnant after your first trimester but I need one STAT.

3. Eat tuna fish and eggs benedict as often as I want. And have coffee. 

4. Run a half marathon. I haven’t run in an embarrassingly long time but I have no reason not to start running again. This will be my third 1/2 marathon. I totally guilt tripped M running it with me. What can I say misery loves company.

That’s all I can think of for now. I’m open to more suggestions!

During our break, we will try naturally (haha). I am not sure if I will go all out and temp or just use OPKs. 

I will recap the “Seriously, WTF” meeting with our RE another time. It wasn’t super but it wasn’t awful either. Just not very exciting. 

I will also have to fill you in on the Endo appointment soon.

I’m off to put some Deep Blue cream on my very sore legs! 

Hi, I Have My Period

That was the voicemail I left for my nurse earlier today. Today marks the beginning of a new cycle…which also means our first FET.

Since it was late in the day, she told me that she would get all of my dates tomorrow and let me know what the plan is. I thought I would have to go in for a CD3 baseline, but I guess since I did that last month, I don’t have to now? I am a little confused with the FET process. I think I will be on BCP for 2-3 weeks and then start some sort of estrogen? We will see.

Speaking of FET, I am a little nervous about the dreaded side effect: weight gain.

I’ve lost all of the IVF weight and baby weight. I read on one forum that people actually gained more from their FET cycle than their fresh cycles. Super. But I know that it will be worth it. I am going to try to be better this time around and be more consistent with working out.

M and I talked last night about the what ifs. And if this cycle works, we wouldn’t tell anyone for a while. Not like last time. The minute we got our betas we told our family. I think we are just really cautious this time. We aren’t as naive. And if it works out and we make it past the first trimester and get a good NT scan, then we will tell family and close friends. Facebook may find out when we have baby in our arms. I may have to break the rules and tell someone earlier because I will need support in case we are faced with bad news. And then there are the few of you out there that I know- so I will have to decide what I want to do with the blog after the transfer.

I know that is so far down the road, but I wanted to make sure M and I were on the same page.

In other news, H took her very first steps today! I shrieked and squealed! I couldn’t have been more proud of her. My heart overflows with love for the kid and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. When I was rocking H to sleep, I thought of Brynn. I wondered what she would have looked like now, if she would be walking now and how they would play together. Such bittersweet moments. I suspect I will have them all of my life.