On the way to the ER I started thinking about worst case scenarios. I don’t know why I do this. I was hopeful for 8 eggs, thinking that would hopefully get us one embryo to day 5.
Our drop off usually starts on day 3 and my nurse told me yesterday that the clinic no longer provides updates on day 3. This makes me nervous. I mean even with updates I know there’s nothing we can do, but it still sucks.
I’m rambling now sorry. I’m still partly drugged.
Anyway, we got 17 eggs! When the nurse told me I actually said “shut up”.
I know they all won’t be mature, but I’m hoping maybe 10 will be and fertilize.
Now off to eat and nap!
I was able to get an appointment this morning to see exactly what was going on. I felt sick. Morning sickness? Nerves? Combination? Who knows.
Anyway, we didn’t waste much time. I told Dr. L what happened last night and he said, let’s see what is going on and try to get some answers.
The tech started and I immediately saw the gestational sac. Good news, right? Then I saw the yolk sac. The tech zoomed in and announced the baby was here and we saw the heart flicker. M let out an audible sigh of relief. I think he may have shed a tear to be honest. Dr. L said everything measured right on track for me where are today and he didn’t see anything that was causing the bleeding. I asked if it was possible to get a heart rate and tech said it would be hard since Olo is so small, but she managed to get it and said it was 105. Dr.L said anything over 100 was ok, so I am trying to relax and not read too much on Google.
Our next appointment is next Friday. In the meantime, I am going to try to rest and have faith Olo is a fighter and here to stay.
Since we’ve started our TTC journey, I’ve befriended several women and have kept in touch, as we all are in different stages. One woman just came back from her first u/s and shared she was pregnant with twins. Of course, I am so happy for her and yet my heart hurts. She was kind enough to say she hoped that this wasn’t bring back painful memories and I am an inspiration of strength.
I would be lying if I said talking about twins is easy. What I need to remember is that I am still a mom to twins- we just weren’t granted the opportunity to meet Brynn. So in that aspect, I don’t feel complete. But we had one beautiful little miracle and for that I know we are blessed. I still struggle with it and cry. I don’t feel very strong some days!
Last week, I went to a memorial service the hospital organized for perinatal losses. There was one quote that really stayed with me.
“The child that we had, but never had, and yet will have forever”.
I’m so glad we have some memories of Brynn. She will always be my little peanut.
That’s how big the babies are this week. When you think of the growth from an apple seed to pea pod in just 8 weeks it’s amazing.
I had a routine OB visit yesterday and since DC shut down for some flurries, M tagged along.
This visit was a first for M. Let me explain. The nurse called us back to take my vitals and had M hang out in the exam room. At first the nurse said we would just do an annual exam and hear the hbs, but I reminded her that we have twins and I was told we would probably get u/s at every visit. Once she confirmed with the Dr. that we would get an u/s, she moved us into a different room. Awesome- we would see the babies, M would leave, I would get the annual exam. Except it didn’t happen in that order. Poor M had to sit through me getting a breast exam and pap smear. Check that off the list of things I never thought would happen! I guess it’s not that big of a deal since he’s already been through all of the IVF monitoring and retrieval/transfer stuff. It may have been awkward for him though.
Once that was over with, we gotto check out the babies. Baby A was like a little jumping bean….off of Baby’s B head. I am convinced Baby A is a rambunctious boy. He was completely sprawled out and just bouncing off the wall. Meanwhile, Baby B was all curled up and even had her (I’m guessing her) hand on her forehead. We didn’t get measurements since they weren’t really in the best positions, but heart rates sounded good.
The Dr. said I won’t have another u/s until the anatomy scan (at 18w) even though I have a reg OB appointment at 17 weeks. That’s 5 weeks away! So I went ahead and booked a sneak peek so we could find out the genders at 16w. I can’t wait to see them again…and if we have a son and daughter, two sons, or two daughters. It doesn’t really matter, we are blessed either way.
So today was the big day. It was Ultrasound Day.
I had terrible dreams and woke up several times last night. Of course DC traffic sucked and we were running late. Only adding to my anxiety.
Once we got there, we were called back within 5 minutes. Same drill as all of the other ultrasounds. Undress from the waist down and hop on the table and wait. Dr. L and a tech came in and asked how I was feeling.
I just said I will let you know in a few minutes. I was nervous. What if there was a blighted ovum (my newest fear) or what if we couldn’t see a heartbeat.
I had no idea what I was really looking at. All of the other times, we focused on my ovaries and how many follicles I had. This was new. Then the tech rolled over what looked like a sac.
But she kept going. And then it looked like another one. Dr. L said they just wanted to get a big picture of what was going on….torture! He finally said “It looks like we have twins!” I started tearing up and my heart was racing. Dr. L said he wanted to just make sure not all three stuck. I honestly think he was a little nervous! If you remember, during the transfer he gave us only a 40% chance of success and a super low chance of triplets.
The tech started to zoom in so we could get a closer look. Right now the babies are measuring right on track and things look good. We were even able to see the little flicker of the heartbeats. So incredible.
Once the tech was done and left so I could get dressed (and process it all!), I looked at M and asked how he was feeling. His response: “Shit just got real”.
I am excited and scared to death! I want to thank everyone for their support and prayers.
As Dr. L said, we just got to the edge of the woods but this is a great first step.
Here are the beans: