Hi, I Have My Period

That was the voicemail I left for my nurse earlier today. Today marks the beginning of a new cycle…which also means our first FET.

Since it was late in the day, she told me that she would get all of my dates tomorrow and let me know what the plan is. I thought I would have to go in for a CD3 baseline, but I guess since I did that last month, I don’t have to now? I am a little confused with the FET process. I think I will be on BCP for 2-3 weeks and then start some sort of estrogen? We will see.

Speaking of FET, I am a little nervous about the dreaded side effect: weight gain.

I’ve lost all of the IVF weight and baby weight. I read on one forum that people actually gained more from their FET cycle than their fresh cycles. Super. But I know that it will be worth it. I am going to try to be better this time around and be more consistent with working out.

M and I talked last night about the what ifs. And if this cycle works, we wouldn’t tell anyone for a while. Not like last time. The minute we got our betas we told our family. I think we are just really cautious this time. We aren’t as naive. And if it works out and we make it past the first trimester and get a good NT scan, then we will tell family and close friends. Facebook may find out when we have baby in our arms. I may have to break the rules and tell someone earlier because I will need support in case we are faced with bad news. And then there are the few of you out there that I know- so I will have to decide what I want to do with the blog after the transfer.

I know that is so far down the road, but I wanted to make sure M and I were on the same page.

In other news, H took her very first steps today! I shrieked and squealed! I couldn’t have been more proud of her. My heart overflows with love for the kid and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. When I was rocking H to sleep, I thought of Brynn. I wondered what she would have looked like now, if she would be walking now and how they would play together. Such bittersweet moments. I suspect I will have them all of my life.

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Trying While on Birth Control…Huh?

As part of my daily morning routine, I usually check my phone before I get out of bed. I scroll through email, check out Facebook, and finally make my way to FertilityFriend (FF). I think I’ve mentioned it before, but just in case I haven’t, it’s a great online community for women who are TTC. There are all sorts of groups that range from “TTC in your 20s” to “TTC #2 or more” (side note: I stay far away from that group, there are some women working on their 5th kid, no joke).

Anyway, when M and I first started our journey, FF was a great outlet for me. I joined some buddy groups and talked about charting, temping and all of the crazy things we could try “next time”.

On Sunday morning, I checked out the message boards. In one group, I am now the only one who isn’t pregnant. In fact, four women that I started with have all had chemical pregnancies/miscarriages and are pregnant again (and I might add naturally). That means that they have been able to get pregnant twice. I am not overlooking or being insensitive to the fact that they went through losing a pregnancy by any means. I can’t even imagine how sucky that is. But in my very selfish mind, I am slightly jealous that they can get pregnant. I think it’s a little harder this month because even though we are still “trying”, we are essentially sitting this month out. I hate feeling like we missed a chance since you only get 12 a year!

As far as my uterus goes, not much is happening. I have the mock transfer tomorrow. It’s like the practice trial, I guess. I still have some time before anything else happens- I am on birth control for another week. Sigh. M asked if we should still keep trying and if I was still going to test along the way, because “you never know, you could be pregnant”. I am fairly certain that given our situation, we will not be that lucky couple that gets pregnant while I am on birth control. What I failed to realize is that I will in fact get my period just about the same time as I start the injections. Talk about a double whammy.