The Plot Thickens

You guys I am nearing the end of my IVF rope at this point.

So to recap, roughly a week ago I went for my beta after the methotrexate shot. I was told it was 1141 and to repeat the beta on Saturday, which I did. That beta came back at 44. Huge drop right? Well it turns out that I have NO idea where they got 1141 because I got a copy of the actual lab work and the beta was 81. WTF #1.

After Saturday’s beta, my nurse told me to come in this week so we can ensure it was dropping. I did. Turns out today’s beta is 48.9. My RE isn’t concerned since the betas were done in different labs and they probably have different standards/measurements. We will just repeat the beta again next week. WTF#2.

In reviewing my medical records I noticed that I was missing the pathology report from my March biopsy. I asked to have this done to see if the endometritis was gone after one round of the doxycycline. Turns out the clinic can’t find the lab results. It may have not been sent off. WTF #3.

My RE actually called to tell me about WTF #2 and WTF #3. So I told him I am disappointed they don’t have the results. He said he was too and then gave me bs about how he did the biopsy/scratch for therapeutic purposes and the baby aspirin and prednisone have anti inflammatory elements, so more or less he said even if it came back positive, he doesn’t think it caused the miscarriage. Can we call that WTF#4? Because that isn’t the point.

I brought up some of things I have been thinking about (different protocol, supplements, the fact that I can’t stay pregnant) and he basically said he doesn’t think the protocol is the problem at all. He thinks the fact that time has passed (aka I am older) and my ovarian reserve has changed is weighing heavy on the outcome. Our best bet would be PGD. UGH. WTF#5- thanks for hearing me out.

T- minus 3 days until I can wallow in a glass of wine. I am beyond frustrated and annoyed at this point.

After I have my lab work today, I met with my nurse. I was 100% honest with her and told her everything I was thinking. She really encouraged me to talk to my RE and let him know what I was thinking and how I felt. She said that sometime “people” don’t know when they are wrong or have made a mistake unless someone tells them. She also said after I talked to my RE, she would give me her honest opinion on what she would do if she were me. Needless to say, I am going to call her tomorrow and talk to her. I will keep my follow up with the RE just so M can hear it for himself. Just in case I am missing something, but right now it doesn’t sound like my RE is open to exploring any other possible factor, just that we have shit embryos and PGD will be the solution.

 

Another twist 

Last Saturday I got the call to tell me to come back to the office to get the methotrexate shot since my beta went up.  I was told that I may have some cramping/nausea and continued bleeding. If I was in severe pain to go to the ER immediately. 

I let me RE and nurse know that I would be out of state for the week, which was fine since I would just be monitored using lab work at this point. 

Well I went for my first labs after the shot on Wednesday. My beta went up to 1141. I was shocked but my nurse said its typical to see it increase until 7 days after the shot, which is today. If there’s not a 15% decrease from Wednesday’s number, I will have to go back on Monday for another round of shots. They have also requested about CBC and metho panel. I’m also curious to see what my platelet level is know that I’m only taking my Synthroid. 

Stay times!

Waiting It Out

My beta came back at 324. That’s a DT of 78 hours. Lower than what they want but better than the 105 DT last time. 

The ultrasound didn’t show anything (why would it) and my RE wants me to stop all my meds and come back in on Wed for more blood work (with the hopes that it will start to plateau or decrease). He also wants to run a methotrexate panel in case they want to give me to shot if the hcg doesn’t fall on its own, I’m guessing by Wednesday. 

I suppose I’m grasping at straws by hoping that the increase in DT is a good thing. Maybe the extra steroid is helping? 

I realize the odds aren’t in my favor. M and I talked and feel that if this pregnancy isn’t meant to be, I don’t see the harm in letting it playing out naturally. I really want to avoid the methotrexate shot at all costs. Of course if the pregnancy is ectopic, then I will take the shot. 

During the ultrasound my RE commented that he noticed I requested my medical records. And after the ultrasound my nurse commented on how “stoic” I was being. I think they are aware that I am done with them. I told the nurse after two cycles that didn’t end up with even a hint of a positive and another two then ended in a miscarriage, there comes a time when we say enough is enough. I am not sure if she read between the lines, but I think she did. 

I asked her if Dr L was thinking that even though the beta rose that this pregnancy isn’t viable. She said yes, my levels aren’t anywhere what they should be. But the little voice in my head said, they also weren’t where they should have been when it was only 47 and yet my nurse said     to be cautiously optimistic. Yet today she’s preparing me for a shot that is used to terminate pregnancies and used in chemo. 

I’m really torn about continuing my meds for another day. Maybe I will compromise and take half of what I’m supposed to. If the number goes up on Wednesday, I’m not sure what I will do. I guess continue to wait it out and be monitored to ensure this isn’t ectopic. 

When we lost Brynn, the MFM said it was a 1% chance that something like this would happen. I feel like I’m not being realistic by saying this but I would love to be the 1% of people that has a slow and low beta and ends up with a healthy baby in 9 months .

15dp5dt= 5 Weeks

Today’s beta was 124. Low compared to “normal” implanters, but I am trying to stay positive and focus on the fact that the beta is doubling. In fact, it doubled in 34 hours.

I am scared. Like super nervous that since the beta is low and it was a late implanter that we won’t make it to 6 weeks to see the heartbeat. Maybe that is fear from the miscarriage in August talking. I just feel like I am about to wake up from this dream at any time and this pregnancy will be over.

I am trying really hard to focus on the here and now though. I’ve already told my family. I regret not telling them about Olo until after we lost him. I need all of the prayers and support I can get. I have left it up to M to decided whether or not he wants to tell his parents.

Dr. L wants to me to back on Friday for another beta. In the meantime I think I will buy a CBE week estimator and take it tomorrow. By that point, my beta should be 200 and I should get a 2-3 weeks on the test. That will provide me some comfort I think, well I hope!

Beta #3

16dp5dt=5 weeks pregnant.

Beta today was 3125. DT was 49 so it slowed down but still within the acceptable range (I hope!!). I am done with betas and was able to schedule my first u/s for next Thursday. It seems so far away!

I also had an appointment with my Endocrinologist today to talk about our plan. I took on extra pill today to jump start my thyroid. Tomorrow I will increase my Synthroid to 100mcg. I am glad she went straight to 100 rather than 88.

The other interesting thing is she asked about GD testing. I told her I had one test and it was fine. (I just looked at it was 124 with the normal range of 65-139). Since H was in the NICU and had blood sugar problems I was repeatedly asked if I had GD. My endo said sometime it can be fine at 24-25 weeks but go up at 27-28. So, she will also keep an eye on my sugar levels just to rule everything out and make sure we are doing everything we can to keep me and Olo healthy. I really appreciate that she is being so thorough.

I feel better about having a plan and a u/s date next week. As far as symptoms go, I’ve gagged a few times because I hadn’t eaten much. I am also ready for bed around 9pm. I don’t know if that’s really a symptom given I have a toddler and am taking a ton of progesterone. On that note, I am going to have a snack and go to bed!