Cycle 12- 9DPO

I can’t believe this is our 12th cycle trying!! I have about 5 days before this cycle ends and we officially declared infertile. I am 9DPO right now with no sense that this month will be any different than the last 11. That being said I am not sure if/when I will test.

Earlier this week I spoke to my nurse since she’s been on vacation. She called in Folgard and gave me the contact info for the Dr. conducting the endometrial biopsy study. I won’t bore you with CVS experience, but by Monday night I had all my prescriptions filled and the study consent forms ready to be signed.

Then life threw me a curve ball on Tuesday. One of my clients invited my boss and I down to Costa Rica to participate in a week long summit/training event. Guess what week it is?? If my math is right and based off the last cycle, it is the same week as my estimated ER date. I know the time commitment that is involved once I start the cycle. I can’t go away for three days, never mind 10 days, while stimming.

I am really torn on what to do. Postpone IVF? Consider OOP FET (if that’s even an option!) Tell my boss I can’t go?

Costa Rica would be a great opportunity, not to mention my boss said I should have M come meet me towards the end and extend our stay for a vacation! Um, yes please!

But, I’m also ready to move on and try again (even though I still dread the process). And I am pretty excited about this study and really hope I get the real deal. Even if I don’t, I believe in the study and hope that my clinic will incorporate it as part of their standard protocol.

I am not sure what our options are at this point. Unfortunately,  I don’t think there is a way to do both. Not unless I can convince Dr. L and team to come with us, or convince work to push everything back a week so I can get knocked up.

Since I don’t think that plan would work, we will meet with Dr. L to discuss next steps and protocol next week so after that I need to make a decision. Here’s where I am getting stuck-

I’d rather be at work than dealing with shots/meds/appts.
I’d rather be pregnant/ have a baby than dealing with work.
The problem is shots/meds/appts don’t always equal a baby.


Asato Ma Sat Gamayo

I am going to try to make this my next mantra. It means “Lead me from the unreal to the Real” in Sanskirt.

I think I am going to start yoga in hopes I can find a way to keep my emotions in check through this cycle. I feel like a nutjob.

Case in point, I either was on the verge of tears or I cried when:

  •  I watched an old episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians when Khloe was talking about her infertility experience. I don’t even watch the damn show. I just know what she’s going through and how it feels.
  • My sister told me she was going to announce her pregnant. I couldn’t be happy for her and I know how much they deserve it.  I am so excited to have another niece/nephew!  The only reason it made me tear up is because it reminded me that we haven’t been that lucky yet.
  • I was trying to figure out if I could make it through another baby shower alone in two and a half weeks. I haven’t even brought myself to look at the registry.

I feel like a complete downer wallowing in this. It’s just really hard to not be able to do the one thing by nature we are supposed to be able to do, especially when you want it so much.

On a side note, I am looking forward to the day I can stop taking fake hormones. I think M is too.