A Different Path

So, a while ago I found this blog that compared infertility to traveling cross county.  Some people have awesome new sports cars that get them there fast,  some have min-vans filled with kids, and some people get lost or stop for long breaks. Not us…M and I have a bike. Not motorcycle, a Shwinn. One of those two seaters and are pedalling along.

Well today, we decided that we are going to find a more direct route. Today, we said we were ready to do IVF.

The meeting with Dr. L. went pretty well considering I  teared up. I told him I can handle getting a negative test after IUI because I knew the odds were shitty. I am not ready to handle getting a negative of IVF since the odds are so good. But he helped me to change my outlook. This round of IVF is a trial. We are going to learn a lot- how well I respond to all of the drugs, how my eggs look, if there are problems with fertilization, etc.  I can deal with this, it’s just a trial.

Even though we are still waiting on official approval from the insurance company, I can start the birth control pills today. Seems counterproductive right? The pill will quiet my ovaries and basically reset them. This will be important when I start the meds in three weeks. Dr. L. said he wants to be very careful that we don’t overstimulate my ovaries, and we will start with low doses of everything.

So here’s what we are looking at:

• Birth Control- 5/30- 6/17
• Mock IVF Transfer- 6/6-
• Pre-IVF Evaluation- 6/18- Bloodwork and ultrasound
• Time to Inject- 6/21- I’ve got a lovely protocol of injecting myself for about 12 days
• Retrival- 7/3
• Transfer- 7/5 or 7/7

As far as the meds go, here’s my protocol:

• Birth Control Pills – 21-day pack (1-2 packs)
• Ganirelix or Cetrotide syringes – when directed.
• Gonadotropin FSH (Follistim, Gonal F, or Bravelle) and 75 IU FSH&LH (Repronex or Menopur) or 75 IU LH (Luveris)
• hCG (hCG, Pregnyl, Novarel), 10,000 units, 1 vial – “Trigger” intramuscular injection. (UGH!)
• Zithromax 1 gram  – taken when directed evening before egg retrieval.
• Estrace 2 mg (#60)  – taken when directed to start evening of egg retrieval.
• Endometrin vaginal insert (#60), as directed to start the day after egg retrieval.

Even though I know it’s a trial, I can’t lie. I got totally excited knowing that just maybe, Seamus might be “conceived” right around America’s birthday!

245 Days and Counting

It’s insane how much time and energy (not to mention money) I have spent on TRYING to get pregnant. Today marks our 245th day from when we first starting trying. Seriously, how crazy/sad is that?

I went in early this morning for the beta, and since I was there I requested my TSH level. Just as suspected, my beta was negative and my TSH is still high (3.6). Again, I can’t say that I am surprised about either. I think my energy plateaued during week 3 or 4, and after the last test I knew my levels weren’t going down any more.

Dr. L. said I should up my dosage of Synthroid to 75mcg. To be honest, I am looking forward to the extra boost of energy that I got during the first two weeks of taking the meds the first time. I have an appointment with my new endocrinologist in three weeks, so by that time I am hoping to get more lab work and my levels will be down to 2.
I wonder if my TSH was lower, if this cycle would have worked…

I am really glad we are seeing Dr. L tomorrow. Last night, M and I were talking and I asked him if he had any questions for Dr. L. when we meet on Thursday. He said no, he had all of the info he needed. Men! I said. “Really?? I have a list! Do you want to hear them?” After I rattled them off, M raised his eyebrows a little and looked at me like he felt bad for Dr. L. I’m pretty sure I am not the only woman who has a list of questions for her RE! I think this is part of the reason women are the ones that get pregnant – men clearly wouldn’t be prepared!

14DPIUI = CD1

Time to start over.

I stopped taking the progesterone Sunday morning, so I was thinking that between the side effects of Clomid and Progesterone AF wouldn’t show until at least Thursday. Just when you think you know your body- bam, surprise! So today turned in to CD1. That makes this cycle one of the shorter ones with a 13 LP.

It’s a good thing I called the nurse this morning to tell her to submit the pre-auth for IVF to the insurance company!  I was supposed to go in for a beta tomorrow morning, so I am waiting on a call back to see if they are going to still make me. I hope not- no need to add insult to injury.

Now that AF is here things may get interesting with timing. We have our appt with Dr. L. on Thurs, which now happens to be CD3. I am not sure if we are going to be able to jump right in or have to sit this month out. We still need insurance approval, my new protocol, and of course about $4,000.

That’s one of the most frustrating parts about all of this….it’s a lot of hurry up then wait, and praying that timing of everything aligns. Whether it’s the insurance company getting their shit together, your meds getting delivered on time, or swimmers making it to the right spot. It’s torture for someone who likes to plan and control things. I guess it’s good practice for when we eventually become parents.

So today, I leave you with this quote:

When you’re passionate about something, you want it to be all it can be. But in the endgame of life, I fundamentally believe the key to happiness is letting go of that idea of perfection.

12DPIUI

Feelings: My boobs are super sore and sensitive, my back hurts, I have cramps off and on,  and I am emotional and angry. To this, I say “eff you progesterone”. I also feel stupid and depressed that I thought that perhaps there really was a line the other day.

Tests: You guessed it, BFN. Eff you trigger shot.

Next Steps: Enjoy libations today. And try not to cry and attack M. He is certainly taking the brunt of my emotions, so if you are reading this, I am sorry. Oh, and I also may stop taking the progesterone today. I would like to feel normal again.

10DPIUI

Feelings: This week has been a whirlwind. Denver for one day then directly to NJ the next. Since I was so busy, I didn’t have much time to think about the what ifs. Even though this week has been exhausting due to travel, I slept like crap last night. I went to bed around 11pm, and woke up around 2am. I don’t know if it’s because I knew Friday was testing day or if the weird ovulation crampiness woke me up. Either way, since I was up I figured I’d test. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t until like 3:30am. I woke up again around 7am and figured, what the hell I’d test again.

Tests: So, what do the tests show? Depends on how you look at them I think. I can’t tell if I am going crazy and am seeing things or if maybe there really is a line. And of course, I wonder if the (imaginary) line is real. Maybe its an evap or left over trigger? The top test is from 7am and the bottom is from 2am.

 

 

 

I feel like in that picture you can see some lines, but here’s another one of the same tests and nothing. The very top one is from Tuesday with the trigger, the middle one is from 2am and the bottom is from 7am

I guess there is nothing I can do until tomorrow. Agh!

Next Steps: As I’ve mentioned I go in for a beta on Wednesday. I was thinking I’d just have the nurse call M with the results. I think I’d rather hear it from him. Then we meet Dr. L on Thursday. I have some questions that I think we need answers to before I can commit to IVF. Like, does my TSH need to be maintained at a certain level before we start? I am also curious to see the last SA results-while we got a count number, I want to know if that was total or motile. Should we consider additional testing for M? And then of course, I want to know about any restrictions, like travel or working out if we move forward with IVF, and the timing of things. With my work schedule these days, I may need to have another conversation with my boss.