Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, Off to the RE We Go!

Tomorrow, we meet with Dr. L again to discuss our options for TTC #2. You guys, I am nervous! I don’t know why. Last night I had a dream that our entire family came with us for the consultation!!

So let me back up a little. I called me OB and had to get a referral. They said I would need to come in for a consultation first. I asked if that was standard procedure? Because anyone can look at my chart and see I was released by our RE once I was like 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. The nurse said she would have to call me back. Luckily, an OB in the practice agreed and just sent the referral without wasting all of our time for a stupid meeting that would result in a referral.

So, tomorrow is the big day. I have so many questions!

First, I am assuming our situation is the same. I still have a regular cycle and have been tracking ovulation, so I don’t think anything has changed there. I am hoping pregnancy didn’t damage my uterus or tubes, I don’t think it did but I guess you never know. I feel like my egg quality is the same or worse. It’s been 2 years since our last IVF cycle. That means I am the dreaded 35, advanced maternal age.

If the sperm situation has dramatically improved and everything with me is the same/fine, then maybe we entertain the idea of an IUI.

If the situation (including the sperm situation) is the same as last time I think we go straight to IVF. The question though is do we do a fresh cycle or use one or two of the frosties we have? I guess we would have to wait for all of my test to come back to see if they can guess what my egg situation is like, but in the past it was decent.

I am sorta dreading doing a fresh cycle. They suck. I don’t want to deal with the injections and weight gain. Do you do injections for a FET? There is so much I don’t know about that process.

I also am not sure if would put one or two back. I guess it really depends on the quality and Dr. L’s recommendation. I think once you turn 35, they are ok with putting 2 back, but given our past would we be okay with that? And the other question I have is, if the 2 frozen embryos we have are from a failed first cycle, what are our odds. That’s assuming they both survive the thaw. What if we do the FET and it fails, then we will have wasted more time, making me closer to 36 and starting a fresh cycle. Ugh. I really should do research before our meeting tomorrow.

Help me out here- tell me about your experience. Have you done a fresh cycle when you had frozen embryos? If so, why? What’s the major difference between a FET and fresh cycle?

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NIAW

National Infertility Awareness Week is just around the corner and this year’s theme is “You Are Not Alone”. As we all know infertility affects 1 in 8 couples. I’m sure we all know people in our lives that have or are still struggling with trying to get pregnant or stay pregnant. What I never thought is that we would be one of those people. But I guess neither did they.

1 in 8. So why does it feel like it’s still so taboo?

Maybe because no one wants to feel like they are broken. Or is it because it’s health related and they don’t want to share something that personal? Maybe they don’t want to deal with the looks or whispers. 

I have to be honest- I haven’t shared our struggles with everyone. And yet I want to support NIAW. I want people to realize that for some people it’s not all “let’s just have sex once or twice and have a baby” or “all my husband has to do is look at me”. 

It’s harder than people realize. It’s a constant roller coaster that beats you down. It’s a mix of anger, hope, jealousy, isolation, strength, sadness and longing.

I really admire the people that share their stories publicly. I may not be there yet, but I am going to try to step outside of my comfort zone a little. If I can help someone along the way then it’s worth it. 

Moving On

Another natural cycle. Another bust.

I had some crazy ass notion that this month would be different. Since I was temping, I am able to confidently say I did ovulate (hooray), so at least I know that’s not the issue. Not that it’s ever been an issue but at least I can rule that out. 

I really wish someone would come up with another test to confirm if the egg even was fertilized. I still think that’s the issue. 

I asked M the other day if he would consider taking an actual prescription to help his swimmers rather than just vitamins. I’m no doctor but I feel like I have a good sense of what the problem is and what our options are.

What I also know is the men are extremely sensitive about their manhood. 

I just feel like if M could improve his numbers by taking some pills for a few months and that increasing our odds, maybe, just maybe we wouldn’t have to do IVFS. Maybe an IUI a would work.

I’m just frustrated. I know how lucky we are to have a happy healthy baby. So why does it still suck knowing what we will have to go through in order to give her a sibling.