Two Months 

Wow….

It’s been two months already ! It’s going by slowly and quickly at the same time. 

I still can’t believe we are a family of four. I wasn’t sure we would ever be one. 

I’m not really sure I will continue to update this blog since it was dedicated to our journey in starting and completing our family. 

That chapter of my life is over. We are officially done TTC! I’ve donated all of my left over med in hopes that they bring some baby dust to whoever gets them. I no longer have any HPTs or syringes in my bathroom. We have one small loan to pay off before we are no longer financially reminded of our struggles. 

Now that I am done with that part of our journey, I am better able to focus on another part of our journey…the loss of Brynn. 

As you may recall, I participated in a call a few months ago with an organization that helps people when they lose a child. The founder reached out to me last week and asked if I would be part of a focus group for  one of the projects that are working on. I’m excited about what they are doing and am so happy to be part of something that may help someone else with their loss. 

For anyone who is in the midst of a cycle or maybe someone who is starting to dip their toes into the whole TTC rollercoaster- I get it. I get the low lows and the high highs. 

I can’t say what your journey will be like but I can say surround yourself with a good support system, you will need them. Whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or someone to drink wine with after a failed cycle, different people will help in different ways. 

Be your own advocate and research new treatments/procedures/etc. Don’t be scared or worried about challenging or questioning your RE. You are the only one who really knows your body and the only one who knows how badly you want a family. 

No, it’s not fair! There is nothing fair about any part of infertility. And it’s okay to be angry, sad, jealous, jaded….however you are feeling. Be gentle with yourself and your partner. It’s hard, I know. 

I wish I could say every story will have a happy ending, but I can’t. I know some people will have multiple failed cycles or multiple losses. For us, it was worth the pain and heartache. 

Having our girls doesn’t erase any of what we went through. And having the baby certainly doesn’t replace Brynn. When you “beat” infertility it doesn’t really feel like a win- you come out battered and bruised, a different version of the self that started the battle…but you come out alive. 

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