The last update I think I had was right after I stopped BCP. Here is how my resting HR is trending
On BCP- Roughly 58-60 bpm.
Lupron- Avg 59 bpm
Stims- Avg 63 bpm.
Retrieval Day- 60 bpm.
The 5 days waiting for the transfer -61 bpm
Today it was 66 bpm. I have no idea why it went up today considering my fat butt has been sitting all day.
Theory #1-I am out of shape since I haven’t exercised in over a month now.
Theory #2- The hormones lowered it before and it’s back to normal?
I know they say it will increase with pregnancy, but I don’t think they mean this early, so I am ruling that out at this point. We will see what the next few days bring.
I feel crazy. When we got to the clinic I started asking about transferring 3 since they didn’t look good. As we were talking about which third one we would transfer, the embryologist walked it and said one of the embryos turned into an early AB blastocyst! I stared crying you guys.
The Dr said well it looks like we are just putting two back now!
We haven’t had a blastocyst in day 5 since 2013. The other little guy was still slow, but our retrieval wasn’t until 12:30 so he’s not quiet 5 days yet and maybe he will also turn into a blast over the next few hours.
Heres what we put back-
Preface: this is going to be a debbie downer post.
I slept like shit last night. To be expected though. You go three days without any update and have no idea what you are looking at in the morning.
We needed to leave the house by 7:45am to fight traffic to get to the clinic on time. Around 8am I still hadn’t received a call from Dr. L with an update. My anxiety was growing. Maybe he was avoiding making the call because we had nothing? Or maybe no news was good news and we had great looking blastocysts?
Traffic was building and my anxiety was getting worse. At 8:15 I couldn’t take it anymore and called my nurse. She said there were 2 embryos to transfer and Dr. L would call me in a few minutes.
Within 5 minutes I got that call. Good news- we have 5 embryos. Bad news- they are all slow and at least a day behind. Worse news- the quality isn’t great.
I’m tired. I’m tired of getting my hopes up and then being let down.
Dr. L said we thinks we should transfer the two “leaders” of the pack. Reading between the lines he doesn’t think the other 3 will advance past today and certainly not make it to freeze. I’m not really sure we can call them leaders if they are still behind where they should be.
He tries to be optimistic. He said they are a similar quality of the cycle we got pregnant on and we have seen from past cycles that we don’t have actual blastocysts on Day 5.
I really was hopeful. I imagined the little bubs growing and being a high quality since we saw better sperm results this time. Maybe I’m the problem? Maybe I have old shitty eggs?
Either way right now it doesn’t matter. It is what it is. I’m no longer as hopeful as I was three days ago. I have low expectations of this cycle working. And to be honest I am just not sure I want to keep doing this.
We keep trying and nothing is working or changing. Isn’t that the definition of insanity?
Today is Day 2.
Dr. L called yesterday to check in. He said we had 11 eggs, 10 mature and 8 fertilized. He sounded optimistic and pointed out that even though we got less than the last few cycles, our numbers are very similar to that of our very first IVF cycle where we actually got something to freeze.
He also said that the sperm looked better than it has in a long time. Motility was up to around 50%. I think we are both hoping that this well help our shitty attrition rate and we will get something to Day 5.
I just got a call today to give me another update.
We actually have 9 embryos growing! One was a little late to fertilize, but it is growing. I am so happy about that!!
3-5 cells, 2 of which have 10% fragmentation
3-6 cells, 1 has 20% fragmentation an 1 has 30% fragmentation
I fully expect the two 6 cells to not to be great due to higher fragmentation. I just hope that the ones that we have look better and turn into a baby in 9 months.
Do you want to hear something crazy? If this cycle works, the due date would be Feb 10th.
That is one day before M’s bday, and the date we found out about Brynn. Maybe, just maybe, that is a good sign and Brynn had a hand in helping us.
Going into my retrieval today, I was thinking we would get 14-15 eggs. The last three cycles I had 16-17.
The retrieval was like all of the others. Check in, get weighed, undress, vitals are taken, IV is hooked up, bladder is emptied and then walk into the OR. Chit chat with the nurses, anesthesiologist and embryologist.
Wake up back in your bed and wait for the magic number. Twenty four? Did someone say twenty four?
I must have been sedated still. The nurse clarified for me. 11 eggs.
I was crushed. Are you kidding? I don’t understand. I mean, yeah we counted 11 and 12 follicles during the monitoring, but I always had more than what was counted.
I’m starting with 5 less than last time. A whole handful. I’m so scared to get tomorrow’s maturity and fertilization rate.
The only thing I can hope for is that most if not all are mature and will fertilize. If not, I may need a good cry, big glass of wine and then talk to my RE about doing a day 3 transfer.
We have a shitty attrition rate.
The last two cycles, we started with 16 eggs and only had 2-3 to transfer on day five with nothing to freeze.
Have I mentioned I’m scared? The next few days are going to be nerve wracking. I know there’s nothing I can do about any of it now, I guess I’m just still surprised with what we got…and worried about what the means for this cycle.