Sometimes you are given a sign/gift/whatever you want to call it, just when you need it.

A friend of mine sent me an email today, completely unprompted. She knows I am not religious, but the email was about the Arlington Diocese and the Bishop praying for all those suffering with infertility, infant loss and miscarriages. I am grateful she sent it, I needed it today.

I told her about Olo and said I need all of the extra prayers I can get.

I was feeling really optimistic about this upcoming cycle a few weeks ago, but now I just feel blah. I am beginning to question if a family of four isn’t supposed to be in our plans?



Grateful. Thankful. Blessed.

When I was younger, Thanksgiving was really just a big turkey dinner with family. Sure, we went around the table and said what we were grateful for but I don’t think I really appreciated what I had. 

Now, I get it. It’s easy to get to caught up in the day to day of your life. But today, I’m taking time to really reflect and appreciate how blessed I am.

I’m thankful to be alive. I wake up every morning and get to cuddle in bed with M and H. It’s my favorite part of the day.

I’m grateful to have M by my side. As much of a pain in the ass he can be, I also know how much he loves me and would do whatever he can to make things easier and better for me. 

I’m so incredibly blessed to have H. She is my life. My hearts explodes when she smiles and laughs. She is the best thing that has happened to me. Hands down.

I’m also blessed to have been pregnant with Brynn and Olo.  They will forever be part of me and our family.

I’m thankful for my family. They are crazy and have their own lives/problems but they have been by my side every step of the way- praying, cheering and crying with me. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I love that my sister is one of my closest friends and my brother is one of my biggest supporters. 

I’m so appreciative of my friends. Just like family, they are there for all of the ups and downs. Even though they haven’t gone through IVF, they are engaged and provide such a strong support system. 

I’m grateful for my job. I know this may sound silly, but I’m fortunate to work for my sister and work from home. I work for a firm that truly appreciates and understands work/life balance. This means I get to see H for more than 3 hours a day. 

I’m blessed to have medical coverage and thankful for medical advances. Without it, we would have H, Brynn or Olo. We wouldn’t have a good chance at another child. I’m thankful for Dr. L.

My life is far from perfect or even how I imagined it would be, but I am blessed and thankful for everything I have!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Everything but the kitchen sink

I’ve been researching what I can do to possibly improve our odds this cycle when I stumbled on some studies that show that women with Hashimtotos who have taken  steroids during their cycle have improved pregnancy rates. 
So I asked my nurse about it. She double checked with Dr. L and we are going to throw Prednisolone into the mix this time. In theory, if my immune system is attacking my thyroid (which it is), perhaps it’s also attacking the transferred embryos? 

Since we are doing another FET, I will use PIO instead of endometrium. This will be the first time for that too. I’m a little nervous about it to be honest. I fully expect to have a bruised sore ass. 

As part of my now standard cycles, I requested an endometrial scatch. This time, Dr. L said he would send the sample to be biopsied to ensure there is no inflammation. This was the first time he’s ever mentioned that as a possibility. I don’t know if he saw something or as he put it “after everything we’ve been through, just want to make sure everything is good”. After the biopsy, I met with my nurse. We went over dates, meds and next steps. She said she would get the biopsy results in a week or so. I pressed her a little and if she thought Dr. L was concerned. She said like we discussed we are throwing everything but the kitchen sink into this cycle. If it turns out I have Endometritis, then I have to take antibiotics and then she tells me she’s had patients have a lot of success with Doxycycline. I was confused if my lining was inflamed wouldn’t the steroid take care of that? I asked her what would cause the inflammation. She said it could be a STD (um, really? ) or just a normal process. So of course the minute I left, I googled like crazy. 

Per NIH:

Endometritis is caused by an infection in the uterus. It can be due to chlamydia, gonorrhea, tuberculosis, or a mix of normal vaginal bacteria. It is more likely to occur after miscarriage or childbirth. It is also more common after a long labor or C-section.

The risk of endometritis is higher after having a pelvic procedure that is done through the cervix. Such procedures include:

  • D and C
  • Endometrial biopsy
  • Hysteroscopy
  • Placement of an intrauterine device (IUD)

As part of the whole IVF process you have to get tested for STDs, so I’m in the clear there. Given in the last 5 months, I’ve had a biopsy, miscarriage, another biopsy, Hysteroscopy, a retrieval and  transfer- yeah I’d say that I’ve had a few procedures done through my cervix. 

If I had to guess after reading the symptoms, I don’t think my lining is inflamed. I guess we will find out and better to be safe than sorry. 

So there we have it. A few new things going on but for the time being, I’m still in the prep mode and won’t start shots for another 11 days. 

Back to Reality

M and I took a mini vacation from reality this past weekend. One of our friends wanted to celebrate his birthday in Key West, so we packed our bags and actually went.

The planning started back in May/June I think. Of course, M and I talked about what would happen if I actually got pregnant and thought we could double it as a baby moon for us.  A mini break and a chance for me to actually rest. Then came Olo. I would have been around 18 weeks and we would have already found out if Olo was a boy or girl. And then that dream vanished before we had much time to soak it all in.

We still had another cycle in front of us and we focused on that. Another bust. I supposed we used this trip a little to drown our sorrows and just escape the reality of our situation. We ate and drank more than our fair share and caught up with friends. There was no toddler to chase after, doctor’s appointment to schedule, no ultrasound, and no shots. Well, not the kind that I am used to taking!

Since my period showed up while I was away, I started BCP. We decided to do our last FET next month with the one embryo left. No pressure, right?

The next few weeks will be pretty boring since I am just in prep mode. On BCP for another 2 weeks and then will start Estridol. This time around I will be doing PIO. Can’t wait to start that fun!


Salt in My Wound 

Today is beta day. 

Since I’m out of town, I’m going to a different Lab Corp for blood work. 

It happens to be in a medical center. You want to guess which kind? It’s an OB medical center. And it even has a one of the elective u/s places for gender reveals. It’s complete with pregnant reserved parking spots. Funny joke universe.

I get in and there’s a young couple (I’m talking maybe 20 years old). I bet they are here for some sort of pregnancy related test. 

After I get this done I get to run to CVS to pick up tampons. That’s right, folks. I have my period and it is in full force. TMI but this is one hell of a period. I don’t know if it’s because of my lining was extra thick for the embryos that never implanted or maybe it’s because my uterus is now clear of polyps. Either way, I guess my body is wiping the slate clean.

Happy Monday!