This month I decided to break out the CBFM and thermometer. I have no clue what’s going on with my chart. Take a look:
My missing temp was 98.41 at 5:45am but I discarded it because I started getting sick. The next two days are open circles because Harper decided she wanted to get up at 4am rather than her regular 5:30 wakeup time. So if I used a temp adjuster the temps on Monday and Tuesday would be even higher. Is it possible that I ovulated before getting a peak and positive OPK? Or is it possible I haven’t ovulated yet?
In other news, I just found this- http://www.theivystudy.com/default.aspx
I emailed our clinic to see if they are participating- I believe they are but want to get more info. Maybe it’s a sign that I should call them to get this ball rolling.
Yesterday was Brynn’s Angelversary.
I feel awful because I didn’t do anything special for her. Well, I cried but I didn’t honor her the way she should have been honored.
I guess I am not sure what I wanted to do. Maybe not think about it? When I do, the memories are very vivid. I remember waiting int the waiting room, and another couple was there. I remember being excited to see the girls on M’s birthday. I remember what I wore.
I remember seeing Harper and how active she was. And commenting how big her hear was.
I remember the tech moving over to Brynn and starting with her stomach. I remember looking at her measurements and how she was being pushed by Harper’s kicks. I knew. I remember turning my head and just looking at M. I remember his face. I remember how clueless he looked when I started crying. I remember feeling like it was just a bad dream.
At that moment our lives changed forever. At that point we became stronger as a family.
I feel like I failed Brynn yesterday. I’m so sorry, my little peanut. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you.
I found the following pictures and felt they conveyed my feelings-