Again it’s been too long since I’ve posted, but H is keep me busy!!

She eats every 2 1/2-4 (if we are lucky) which means I have limited time to change a diaper, wash bottles, pump, grab a snack and chug water before I do it all over again. Sadly blogging takes more time than I have some times. But I’m taking advantage of H’s nap right now.

I re-read my post about H’s birth and it blows my mind how much she has changed over the last 7 weeks!

Not only has she packed on some pounds and has outgrown her newborn clothes and diapers, but she smiles and almost giggles. She’s still learning she has a voice and it’s adorable. Here’s what she looks like mid smile.


It’s absolutely amazing how much she changes every day and how much we are figuring this whole parenting thing out together.

Last week, I had my 6 week follow up with my OB. On the way there I got a call asking me to reschedule since my dr was needed at the hospital. I packed up Harper which is no easy task and was more than half way there. I was also bleeding again so I really wanted to see someone. Luckily I was able to see another dr in the practice. Guess who that was? The same dr that I saw right before I found out we lost Brynn. The same dr that didn’t give me the u/s when I asked. I sucked it up and saw him anyway.

So I get to the office and get checked in. The dr walks in and makes small talk –

Dr-So, it looks like you had the baby a little early
Me- yeah, we induced
Dr- was there a reason why?
Me- yes, we lost her twin sister. (Pretty sure I looked at him like he was the world’s biggest idiot)
Dr- Oh. Now I remember.

Really? Could he not have looked at my file before walking in the door?!? He continued to apologize throughout the appointment. In fact he said he was surprised I even agreed to see him. After he checked me out, I met him in his office.

He asked what method of contraception we would be using. Um, we won’t be. Given we went through 2 rounds of IVF, IF we got pregnant naturally it would be a miracle and we would be ecstatic. So, thanks but I’ll pass on the pill.

I asked if the pathology report on Brynn’s placenta came back yet. It did and unfortunately there was nothing abnormal found. Well, some fancy term for lack of blood flow, but given there was 16 weeks between her passing and me delivering, that was to be expected. So we have no answers. I can’t say I’m surprised, I think I expected the results to be inconclusive. Even if something did come back, it still wouldn’t be fair. I have to believe that there was some reason for her passing.

I still haven’t opened the box from the hospital. Every once in a while, it catches my eye, but I’m still not ready. When I do, I think I will need the day to myself after opening it. Or maybe M and I open it with H? I don’t know- I haven’t put much thought into it. It’s not like I can ever forget Brynn and I find myself thinking about her at the most random times. I guess that’s normal?

The really crazy thing is we just got a bill from our fertility clinic for cryopreservation storage for the two embryos we have left from out first cycle a year ago. I can’t believe how much our lives have changed since last year. Everything we have endured makes me really appreciate everything we have.

There will always be bumps along the way, what I’m learning is to try to surround yourself with a great support team (everyone from family and friends to doctors!) and try to stay as positive as possible. But you honestly never know how things will turn out.