We have a date!

From the first appointment with the specialist, we were told we could induce at 37 weeks. So you know damn well that I checked the calendar as soon as I left and made a mental note of our “proposed” induction date. Unfortunately, we had to wait until it was two weeks out before the hospital would let us schedule it. That day has finally come and we have an official induction date!

I know that I have said that I have been counting down, and I have, but let me explain. I have been counting down to 37 weeks. Not the actual birth or meeting our baby. I know that may sound confusing, but there is a difference.

Counting down the days/weeks isn’t emotional. It’s just a look at the calendar and saying, ok we have X more days before 37 weeks or we have X more days until we can induce.

With that being less than two weeks away now, I have started thinking about the actual birth. And that is scary and emotional- it’s now become more like, we have X more days until we hold our daughter….then I start to think even more about Brynn. We have X more days until I hold Harper and not Brynn. I guess all along the pregnancy I haven’t had to say “good-bye” to Brynn. Yes, we lost her but she has still been with me. And I know she will always be with me, but it just feels different.

By preparing to meet Harper, I have wondered what Brynn would have looked like. How similar or different would the girls have been? I play out what it would have been like to have family meet both of the girls and how different it was supposed to be.

I shared of all of this with M this morning and we both cried. I am not sure anything can really prepare me for the emotional aspect of delivery, but knowing that M will be there with and for me helps.

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34 Weeks!

Holy crap. We have made it to 34 weeks and only have 3 more to go.

Since my last breakdown 2 ½ weeks ago, I have felt pretty good. I’ve noticed H has a day or so of being quiet and then makes up for it the next few days, I chalk it up to growth spurts. I would be lying if there were mornings that I wake up and don’t panic that something terrible happened overnight because I don’t feel her as first thing. I usually will switch sides or move to wake her up before I really get going for the day.

Our last growth scan was at 31w3 days and H was an estimated 3lbs 13 oz. We should get another one on Thursday, and I suspect she is 5lbs at this point. Or at least very close.

M and I went to a birthing class yesterday – I still am not sure what to expect. I mean, I have an idea, but the bottom line is that every birth is different. I am working on a birth plan, but know that it’s more of a wish list than anything. Faux sense of control I guess.

Quit possibly the most traumatizing part of the entire class was learning about the fetal scalp electrode. I am going to talk to my OB/specialist this week to see if this is standard practice. It just freaks me out that a wire will be attached to H’s head.

I hope to get our induction date scheduled either this week or next. Our goal is May 27th but I also want to confirm which OB is scheduled to be at the hospital that day. If it’s the one OB I had the week before finding out about B, I may push it back so I can avoid him. I’m sure he’s a fine doctor, but I need to feel comfortable with who is going to deliver H.

Other than that, not much has been going on. We have prepared as much as we can at this point, I think. H’s room is ready. I am sorta ready. I am ready to meet her for sure, just not really ready to go through the birthing process!