Strong Baby- Check. Strong Mom-Not So Much.

I know it’s been a little while since I’ve last updated.For the most part things have been non-eventful. That’s a good thing!

We had our weekly MFM appointment today, with a surprise growth scan today.  Harper is measuring right on track and weighs an estimated 3lb 13oz.

My normal specialist was on vacation, so I saw another Dr. today.All it took was him saying, “Everything looks good on paper, but how are you feeling? “. I can’t say enough about this practice. They truly understand the emotional side of pregnancy. I said I am anxious and then just broke down. Ugh, pregnancy hormones.

I told him over the last few days, the baby’s movements have changed. I still feel her, but not as strong or often. He assured me that everything looked good (bloodflow, placenta, fluid, etc) and the fact that Harper was practicing her breathing are all great signs. And as she gets bigger and runs out of room, the movements will feel different.Of course, he understands my anxiety given our situation, and told it like it is- they can’t guarantee anything, because as we know even if things look good, there is always the unknown.

I guess being a FTM and going through our loss, I am just not sure what is “normal”.

He also recommended that perhaps I look into talking to a grief counselor and even talking to my OB about increasing my visits for more assurance. He suggested maybe I begin to see them on a Monday and the specialist on Thursday. I don’t feel like I need to do that every week, but there are days that I don’t feel like Harper is moving as much. And if it happens to be the weekend, go to the ER and have them double check. Sure it might be a pain, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

I am trying to be strong and not worry, but it’s so damn hard sometimes! The only thing that is going to make me feel better is holding Harper in my arms.