Every Day is a Miracle

Every morning, I log on to FF (fertility friend) to see how all of my online buddies are doing. There is such a mix of people. Some who are still TTC, but most have gone through at least one round of IVF and are now expecting, some singletons and some twins.

I love being able to go through this experience with other women, and truly value their support.

This morning, I learned that one woman, who was also expecting twin girls, lost her Baby B at 33 weeks. Similar to Brynn, there were no red flags and her pregnancy was going well.

My heart is breaking for her. I know that there is nothing I can say or do to help her besides offer my support and prayers. The type of pain she is enduring is something no one should ever have to experience.

Not only does it make me cry for her babies, but it also makes me realize at no point in your pregnancy are you “safe”. That scares the shit out of me.

Today, I take nothing from granted and pray that both of our angels watch over their sisters.




Normal is Better Than Good

It’s only been two weeks since my last post, and I feel like a lot has happened. Maybe not a lot of exciting stuff, but it feels like it’s been a long two weeks.

M and I had our weekly appts and everything looks good. We didn’t see the PACs again, which is awesome news! The Dr said we would continue to keep an eye out just in case they return. Fluid, cervix, umbilical cord all look good. Cervix, especially. I had some contractions the last two days. One night was actually bad enough that we timed them. I had one every 2-5 mins for about 30 mins. I chugged water and went to bed so I could lay on my left side. They calmed down shortly after that. The specialist said if I have them regularly again for an hour, to call my OB.  I don’t think it was from being dehydrated, though, since I drink close to 80oz of water a day.  I think I just over did it by moving stuff around in H’s room.

The next growth scan is in a week or two, but seeing her today, I can’t believe how much H’s face is filling out. I love getting the 3d scans every week. And does she have such a little personality!  She hates cooperating these days, either that or she is not fond of the early morning appointments. The sonographer said babies can feel the vibrations of the u/s. Every time we tried to get a picture of her face, she would turn her back on us. I can’t say I blame her, it’s probably not fun.

What else. Oh!  The GTT test. The drink was pretty gross, it tasted like old flat orange cheap soda.  I was pretty nervous about the test, but got the news that I passed!! Thank God. One less complication.

Other than that, things have been quiet- as in non eventful, which is a good thing. H has been pretty active and enjoys kicking me in the ribs or head-butting my bladder. It takes my breath away every once in a while but I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. It does make me wonder how it would feel to have both girls kicking and squirming around. I also wonder how big I would be now if we didn’t lose Brynn.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. We got two really great memorial presents for B and plan to keep them in H’s room. M and I started talking about our birth plan and if we want to have B’s placenta autopsied. We are still undecided. One on hand I want to know, but on the other I question if it makes a difference? It won’t change the outcome. What if something was wrong with her heart, could we have done something differently? It would kill me if we could and we could have saved her.

I have an appt next week with my OB, so at that time I will also ask what, if anything, do we need to do when we are admitted. Given that I have to deliver both girls and placentas, do we need to tell the hospital it’s not just H? I am not sure how any of that works.

Speaking of the hospital, I completely forgot that we have our tour on Sunday. I can’t believe we are 60 days away from meeting H!


26 Weeks- Echo and Growth Scan

After last week’s appt, our MFM told us we would get a growth scan at the next appt. I was excited and nervous to hear how H was growing. I am growing, so I hope she is too!

She’s had a few quiet days, which makes me paranoid. So, I drink cold water and gently nudge her to get her moving. It may not be very nice, but I need to feel her every few hours. At our last appt, I told the OB that H had been a quiet a few days before and she said she might just be going through a growth spurt.

When the receptionist called yesterday to confirm the fetal echo, I made sure that we would also be getting a growth scan. It’s been three weeks since we got H’s measurements, and I am anxious to know how she is growing. Last night was the first night in a while that I had a bad dream about H- I dreamt that she didn’t grow at all from our last growth scan and it was my fault. I was either too stressed or not paying enough attention to her. The former may be true, which makes me feel bad and realize that I need to be stronger and more relaxed for H. Needless to say I was nervous about today’s appointment. I wonder if I will ever not be nervous for a doctor’s appointment going forward.

First part of the appointment was the growth scan. H is measuring 25w5d and weighs 1lb 14oz. I was hoping for 2 lbs, but we are so close. I need to make sure I am eating enough for her.

Second part was the fetal echo. I am not going to go into all of the details, but I was nervous. Half way through the scan the tech left the room to get another tech. Tech #2 came in and picked up where Tech #1 left off. She also said the Cardio Pedi would be in to watch as she was doing the u/s. The Dr. came in and the three of them started talking about H’s heart. Words like “perfect”, “premature”, “delayed”, and “rhythm”. After they were done looking at things, the Dr filled us in. The good news is that H’s heart anatomy, blood flow and bpm are all normal.

The not so great news is that she has some premature artial contractions. The Dr assured us that it’s common and usually resolves itself. As a mom, this wasn’t reassuring. We will continue with the weekly monitoring and keep an eye on her heart rate/beats.

I think if this were the only thing we experienced in the pregnancy, maybe I wouldn’t be as nervous. But since losing B, I am extra cautious. I just want an uneventful boring pregnancy that results in a healthy child.