Why wait?

I was on cloud 9 after I checked my email the other day and saw that our insurance approved the IUI!!! I sent the email to M and said I don’t want to wait! I was half joking because I knew we were supposed to wait until June. Of course, M was 100% on board and said let’s do it in May.

Both the Endo. and my nurse at the clinic said it would be best to wait until June, but I was excited we got the insurance authorization and could do it in May!! I don’t want to wait. I am done waiting.

So, I called Dr. L and he agreed that if my TSH is lower we can proceed with the IUI. Woo Hoo!! Seriously, this is the best TTC news I’ve gotten in weeks.

I am cautiously optimistic. M has been on supplements since Feb. so I am sure his numbers will be better. I have only been on Synthroid for a week and a half, but the time AF shows and I have my bloodwork and ultrasound done, it will be almost two and a half weeks. Plus, I have been very good about my gluten free diet. So it has to be better, right??

I want to believe that we will get the go ahead to do the IUI. And if both of our numbers improved, maybe instead of the 3-5% chance, we will have a 10-15% chance. Maybe I am getting ahead of myself, but this is the first time in months that I feel like we have a chance.

National Infertility Awareness Week

A year ago, I had no idea NIAW existed. I wish that it didn’t need to exist. For me or anyone else.

But it does. I was really on the fence about posting anything on Facebook about it. I want people to realize that getting pregnant isn’t easy for everyone, and also to not take it for granted. But at the same time, M is more of a private person than I am, so I didn’t want to expose our issues. I feel like there is such a negative stigma that comes along with infertility. I don’t want pity, I want awareness and sensitivity.

NIAW has a great website with great resources. Check it out if you haven’t already: http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html

I wish I was a little more brave and did post something- maybe in time I will be. I wish I could share Infertility Etiquette with friends and family.

I think others really don’t get it unless they have been there themselves. I want support and understanding, but I wouldn’t wish infertility on anyone.

Fingers crossed

I was nervous that my appointment with the Endo. wasn’t going to go well. So what did I do? I printed off the Clinical Practice Guidelines for Hypothyroidism for Adults just in case. Yes, I might be a little neurotic, but I needed to walk out of the office with meds.

Luckily, she agreed and said my TSH was too high to get pregnant. She recommended a gluten free diet and gave my a prescription for Synthroid. That’s a win in my book.

She also gave me lab orders to test my levels again in 6 weeks (it takes that long for the meds to build up) and we would meet again in early June to re-evaluate my dose. That being said, she told me we should wait until June before we starting trying again. That’s not what I wanted to hear, but I had an idea that it was coming.

I called my nurse at the clinic and let her know what I was taking and what the Endo. recommended. She agreed that we should probably wait until June.

Fine. But just know that I am not happy about it.

D Day

We had our follow up with Dr. L.

Here’s the good news:
My AMH is 2.8 – that’s awesome. I have a good ovarian reserve. My tubes are open and uterus looks good. I have a small fibroid, but it’s tiny and Dr. L doesn’t seem concerned. My other hormone levels are all within normal range, minus the pesky thyroid.

The not so good news:
This last test shows that my TSH is 4.13 and my TPOab is 109. Your TPOab shouldn’t be any higher than 30. That being said, Dr. L. said I should make an appointment with an Endocrinologist and get on Snythroid. Luckily, I am one step ahead thanks to Dr. Google ahead and have an appointment set up for next week. M’s SA isn’t ideal. Dr. L recommends IVF with ICSI. That’s where they pick the best looking sperm and inject it directly into the best looking egg.

I’ve read enough and know that IVF is no joke. The meds you have to inject yourself with, the retrieval process, the stress and emotional toll that wears on your relationship, and not to mention the cost- it’s never a fun day to hear that this is really your best chance to have a baby. Both M and I would do anything to have Baby Seamus, so why is saying “ok, let’s do IVF” so hard??

I am scared and mad. I realize I sound like a three year old when I say this- but I don’t want to do IVF. But who the hell does??

Just like when you are a little girl and you think about planning your wedding day, you think about having kids. No where in those day dreams did I think I would be at a fertility clinic. It’s not fair- it’s not supposed to be like this.

After my mind is done racing, I turned to M and said, I’m not ready for IVF. I asked Dr. L since my AMH was good if we have a few months before we “have” to do IVF. He said yes, he was just concerned that we would get burned out if we kept trying without results. He’s right- it’s exhausting. M and I agree to start with a few rounds of IUI. We will take baby steps.

Two steps forward….

Two steps back.

The nurse called.

M’s SA results are worse than last time. Volume dropped 30million and morphology went from 3% to 2%. Ugh. The good news (I am trying to be positive here) is that motility increased from 26% to 38%. Still below what Dr. L. wants to see but many the supplements are helping? Dr. Google leads me to believe with these numbers Dr. L. is going to recommend IVF. I want to cry. I don’t want to do IVF.

I tell M the news. He is devastated. I focus on the positive and tell him that it was a bad day. We will be fine. I need to believe this for myself too.

The other step back is my thyroid. When TTC, your TSH levels should be 1-2, definitely no higher than 2.5. Mine was 8.25. That’s four times higher than what it should be. Again, Dr. Google tells me this is bad news! It’s harder to get pregnant and stay pregnant. The nurse wants to do more bloodwork to verify the results and also to look at a few more thyroid hormones.

We have identified we are working slow swimmers and a lazy thyroid. Awesome.